Stop Fixing Him! 5 Secrets to Inspiring Your Man’s Leadership
You marry the dream guy. He’s your best friend, your forever crush, the one you swore didn’t actually exist until he showed up. You picture a lifetime of candlelit dinners with your soulmate… and maybe overlook a few of his quirks along the way.
No big deal, right? After all, you can always “help” him improve. Easy fix.
Except — hold please. Did you just quietly promise yourself he’ll change?
Oh dear. You did. And here’s the kicker: whether or not people change isn’t really the issue.
The truth is, it’s not your job to change him. It never was.
So what happens when you bump up against one of those “quirks” of his that you REALLY DON’T ADMIRE — say, his leadership skills aren’t as strong as you’d like?
Maybe he misses things you think should be handled right away. Maybe he’s slow to step up. Maybe he doesn’t even see what needs fixing, while you’re over there fuming.
This is where so many of us fall into the trap: trying to reshape our men. And let’s be real… it. does. not. work. Say it with me, ladies:
“It doesn’t work!”
But here’s the good news: you’re not powerless.
Inspiring him to grow into the best version of himself is very different (and far more effective) than trying to overhaul his personality. Instead of nagging him into “better leadership,” you can spark something deeper — his own desire to rise.
Here are 5 timeless secrets to inspire your man to become the strongest leader he can be — without you playing life coach.
These principles come from my mother’s bestselling books of the 1960s, expanded in my own sequel that helps women awaken the woman he has always adored. Think of them less like tricks, and more like a workout plan for your marriage: consistent practice builds strength, trust, and the kind of feminine presence that inspires him to lead.
1. Love the Man, Not the Makeover!
Quit drafting blueprints for a “better” version of him — he’s not your DIY project. This one is the bedrock — the foundation for every other tip. You simply can’t move forward until it sinks in.
Accepting him doesn’t mean tolerating mistreatment or laziness. It means recognizing that when you said “I do,” you signed up for this man — quirks, strengths, and occasional leaky roofs included.
Think of it like buying a house: you chose it because you loved it, not because you planned to bulldoze and rebuild the entire thing.
Here’s where we women often trip: we convince ourselves that his flaws are “projects” for us to manage, little upgrades we’ll sneak in over time.
But marriage isn’t HGTV. Your husband is not a fixer-upper.
Acceptance doesn’t stunt growth — it sets the stage for it. Leaders come in all forms: some are Muhammad Ali types, bold and vocal, maybe a little chaotic with details. Others are more like Gandhi — quiet, deliberate, thoughtful, sometimes hesitant. Neither is “wrong.” They’re just different.
Your job? Stop trying to redraw his blueprint. When you approach him with warmth and respect, he’ll likely rise. Come at him with control or manipulation, and he’ll push back every time.
After all, how would you feel if he were trying to change YOU?
2. Need Him Out Loud (Without the Nagging)
If you want your man to step up as a stronger, more assertive leader, you have to show him that you need him — not just tell him. And no, this isn’t about manipulation or nagging; it’s about trust, respect, and a little vulnerability.
Showing your need speaks louder than telling… and it taps straight into his protector mode, which he has and wants to utilize! It can be as simple as letting him handle small protective tasks:
“Honey, would you check the doors tonight to make sure they’re all locked?”
“When you have a minute, would you take a look at my car for the road trip?”
These small requests aren’t chores — they’re signals. They say: I trust you. I need you. You matter.
The key? Convey that it’s him you want, specifically. You wouldn’t let just anyone handle these things — you chose him. And showing a little healthy dependency isn’t weakness; it’s human.
We rely on dentists to keep our teeth healthy, electricians to keep our homes safe… why would trusting your husband to protect and support you be any different?
Practice this naturally, in ways that fit your relationship. When he feels needed in this authentic, respectful way, you’ll see him rise into the leader you know he can be — without you trying to push him there.
3. Decisions, Decisions… Let Him Play a Part
Including him in decision-making — big or small — is one of the easiest ways to inspire confidence and leadership.
“Do you like my hair straight or curly?
“Italian or Chinese for dinner?”
“Comedy or drama tonight?”
Simple choices, yes, but powerful opportunities. Hand him real choices instead of pre-made plans — watch him step up when his voice matters.
Here’s the catch: never shame his choices.
If he says he likes your hair curly and you respond, “Of course you pick the most time-consuming style,” in that sassy tone… guess what? He’ll think twice before sharing his opinion ever again.
Be prepared to accept answers you might not agree with. If he picks Chinese when you wanted Italian, don’t steer him toward your preference next time — offer two options you genuinely like and let him decide.
Many men who shy away from decision-making learned long ago that expressing their opinions could lead to criticism. But deep down, most want to step into that confident, capable version of themselves.
By giving him the space to make choices — and responding with confident femininity instead of judgment — you help him reconnect with the man he already wants to be.
4. Crystal Clear Beats Clueless
“I need your help with finances….”that’s vague in man language. It’s almost like playing basketball in the dark and not knowing where the hoop is!
Men need to feel competent, even if they’re more shy or generally a bit more reserved. Even those men want to be helpful and successful. You can help him awaken his inner leader by explaining your “female language” which they often perceive as vague.
I am often told that this specific tip sounds motherly or that we suggest you “treat him like a child” but it couldn’t be more of the reverse. When we are clear with anyone an use this exact same technique of being crystal clear with communication whether it’s our boss, a teacher, a coach or a coworker, it tends to be labeled as patience and maturity.
When you handle a conversation with someone with eloquence and dignity, you’re proud of yourself. You are patted on the back in social circles and you feel successful.
But why oh why does society suddenly shift when this same way of thinking is applied to our husbands?
It’s not motherly to be clear with someone if your intent is to simply have strong communication skills.
Now, if you speak to your husband in a motherly tone and inside your heart you are thinking, “this is so ridiculous, why can’t he just DO IT without me saying all of this…” guess what? You are the problem.
So instead of being vague and asking for his help with finances, expand on what you need him to do. “Our finances are all over the place, I would really love your help putting together a monthly budget that we both feel good about - can you help me sometime this week for an hour or so?”
In man language, this style of communication is like a basketball being shot in the net in his brain - he knows exactly what you need!
5. Small Wins = Big Confidence
This tip is all about him succeeding without others stepping all over him. It’s less about how you ask and more about picking the right task — something he is competent in and will succeed at.
This is also about you genuinely wanting his support in life - DO NOT ask him to do something that you don’t genuinely need help with!
Start small:
“Would you grab some milk on your way home?”
“Please pick a book to read to the kids tonight.”
“Would you mind choosing the rental car for our vacation next month.”
It’s not about acting like his boss or handing him a weekly list of tasks to keep his feelings intact. It’s about genuinely including him and leaning on him as your partner in life — a true win-win.
You might wonder,“Why doesn’t he just offer to help? Why do I have to ask?”
The truth is, you don’t have to. But inviting him in gives your relationship space to grow stronger, more supportive, and more connected.
But if you’d like to have a more elevated relationship, a more fruitful love that is more supportive and collaborative, this is just one small step towards gaining the trust, respect, and that leadership you’re craving from him.
The choice is yours to try or not to try.
Here’s the golden rule once again: no shaming. If he picks a book the kids don’t love, don’t roll your eyes or criticize — let him navigate the situation, and maybe encourage the kids to be flexible. Each small success adds confidence and reinforces his leadership skills.
Think of it like teaching someone to swim: you can’t just dip a toe in. You’ve got to let him jump in fully, and cheer him on as he learns to navigate the waters on his own.
The Wrap-Up
If you practice these tips and don’t see massive changes right away — don’t panic. Growth takes time, especially if old habits have been running the show.
Stay consistent, stay feminine, and remember: the goal isn’t to change him.
The goal is to inspire the best in him by adjusting how you show up.
And if you’d like personalized guidance on putting these tools into action, I’d love to help.
Click over to my Services Page to explore one-on-one coaching and meet the amazing women I’ve trained in the Fascinating Womanhood principles. Let’s elevate your marriage together — there’s no day like today.
