My marriage was almost over-so I saw a therapist. that’s when it really ended!
Why Some Marriage Counselors Are “Sealing the Deal” on Divorce Faster Than You Can Say ‘Therapy Session’
It’s a pattern you see everywhere these days:
You realize your marriage isn’t quite the fairy tale it used to be. So you try a few DIY fixes from a book, podcast, or Dr. Phil rerun, confide in a friend—surprising them with just how bad it really is. They’re now your lifeline. But then after all else fails you call in the professionals. A therapist.
Before you know it, they’re leaning forward in their leather chair saying, “Have you considered… divorce?” And not in a someday, think-about-it way, but in a get-a-lawyer-by-Monday way.
It’s no wonder that:
40–45% of first marriages end in divorce
Second marriages? 60% end in divorce.
Third marriages? They have a 73% chance of ending.
Which means the “fresh start” you think you’re getting might be statistically shakier than the marriage you’re leaving. Now—yes—there are situations where ending the marriage immediately is the safest, smartest, and only choice. If there’s abuse, threats, or danger, therapy should be the 911 of emotional safety. No debate there.
But what about the vast majority of marriages that are just… struggling?
And by struggling I mean:
Growing apart
Constant misunderstandings
Lingering resentment
Mediocrity replacing magic
Why do so many therapists treat these as “irreconcilable differences” before anyone’s even had a chance to reconcile? Before you forget: I cover the most common (and most ignored) red flags women miss until it’s too late.
This Isn’t Therapist-Bashing (I’m Married to One)
My husband is a neuropsychologist. I deeply respect the profession. Therapists can change lives. But when it comes to marriage therapy, I’ve seen an unsettling trend: counselors who encourage divorce as the default fix for everyday relationship ruts.
Here’s why I believe some therapists get into this mindset:
The “Quick Rescue” Mindset – They see divorce as the fastest way to “save” you from pain.
Cultural Habit – They grew up with “just leave” as the go-to advice and carry it into their practice.
Values in Disguise – Personal beliefs (say, extreme feminist ideology) creep in, even when the therapist thinks they’re being neutral - it’s human nature to blend your beliefs into your every day life.
The Therapist’s Resume Isn’t the Whole Story - What so many women miss.
Keep in mind that degrees and prestigious schools can look impressive—but if your therapist’s values don’t align with yours, those credentials won’t save your marriage.
Some therapists are highly polished, academically decorated, and deeply committed to their theories. Others are more down-to-earth, seasoned, and practical, shaped by years of walking through real-life struggles with clients. Neither style is automatically better or worse—but if your therapist’s worldview is far from your own, you’re setting yourself up for frustration.
Experience Matters (and Specialties Matter More): I once saw a therapist who was brilliant at prescribing medication—quick, precise, and incredibly skilled. But marriage counseling? She admitted she only saw “a few couples here and there.” Translation: not her lane.
Choosing a therapist without the right experience is like asking your dentist to do your taxes—they might give it a go, but why take the risk?
The Bottom Line: Marriages are hard. Relationships are complicated. And therapists are human—they bring their own biases, blind spots, and beliefs to the table.
So before you let someone in a swivel chair talk you into ending your marriage, ask:
Do they share my core values?
Do they have real experience in marriage counseling?
Are they willing to help us work before they help us walk?
Because the wrong match in a therapist could turn “we’re struggling” into “we’re signing papers” faster than you ever intended. Ready to protect and strengthen your marriage? Get my book Fascinating Womanhood for the Timeless Woman — a guide that’s helped thousands of women bring back love, respect, and connection.
